Wacky Keywords

Showing posts with label Wacky Keywords. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wacky Keywords. Show all posts

More Wacky Search Terms

More Wacky Search Termslost training contract conviction” – What a bummer. Maybe I’m accentuating the positive here, but at least you were offered one! Better to have loved and lost than.... and all that!

is zune pass legall” Yes. Can you spell? No.

i'm techno and you're not” – All right... don’t rub it in!

my tennager's pretending to be a boy on the internet” – Holy Cow! And I thought I had problems. I take it your ‘tennager’ is a girl.... otherwise?

legal practice course secret” – Go on then.... tell us what it is. Still, stable doors and horses spring to mind.

llb worth it” – Probably not.

“is a llb worth it” – I refer you to my previous answer.

“law stuff” You know, just any old ‘law’ ‘stuff’.

“can a thief come in from roof?” I guess he can if he was suitably nimble. Or Spiderman.

“law student love life” – Slow, usually. Often non-existent (despite their fervent claims to the contrary).

“lawyer on a Dictaphone” – what is this, some kind of perverted menu?

“do people still use Dictaphones” – Yes, unfortunately.

“typical computer” – Base unit, monitor, keyboard and mouse.... usually with a bored office worker connected to it (or a teenager surfing for porn).

“lpc cornwall” – Oh come on – they’ve only just gas lighting.

“career prospects after lpc” – Let’s just say, don’t get your hopes up.

“ipod, i spilt water on mine” – Oh cripes. At least you didn’t put it through a spin cycle like muggings, though. Yes, it was pronounced dead at the scene.

“working law student” – A contradiction in terms if experience is anything to go by.

“hardworking law student” – Even rarer.

“typical charges computer service uk” – excessive, usually.

“funny computer wallpaper for law student” - Law Lord pulling a mooner? I don’t know.

“essential reading for first year uk law students” – Somebody’s keen! Save your energy would be my advice. You’ll probably need it coping with an excess intake of alcohol and nights of carefree unadulterated lustful shenanigans as a freshman. Well the booze part is usually correct.

“injury compensation eyebrow waxed” – well you can try it. You’re a glutton for punishment, though: waxing your eyebrows and placing yourself at the mercy of personal injury lawyer.

“is law still worth studying if you get bad grades” – No, to be quite frank, it’s not. Don’t look at me like that – it’s tough love, baby.

“lawactualty” – Oh please – do me a favour.

“examination question on competition law” – tricky usually. And I’ve just finished dealing with that baloney so leave it for now. Deal?

Quite who in Bulgaria is searching for “law atually” I don’t know. But thanks for swinging by.

“what to revise for law a2 exam” – I don’t know – maybe the content you’ve been studying all year. Just a thought.

“how to make law exam notes” – Try using your own initiative?

“lpc cricket blogspot” – Whatever floats your boat.

“is lpc exam an open book exam?” - Which exam would that be exactly? And there was me thinking the LPC drummed specificity and attention to detail into students.

“revise, law, exams, 1 month” - Plenty, of, time, I would, say. :p

“llb student revision notes” – make your own, lazy!

“is llm in commercial law worth it if have llb” – Wow. Go straight for the jugular, eh?! I’ll tell you the answer in a year or so I guess.

“how hard is law in uni?” - Oh, please! What do you expect me to say?

“what is so interesting about competition law” – Good question... I’m still racking my brains.

“mum mooning the camera” – Shame on her, I say!

“riam dean not telling truth” – I’m not saying anything.

“facebook friend request from former girlfriend” – ooh sounds complicated. Could get messy.

“who hates working at Abercrombie” – Quite a lot of you, it would seem.

“the law on the use of dictaphones at work” – Ah, this one I can answer: your first port of call should be the Occupational Sound Recording Devices Act of 1893 (as amended). As I remember, it’s complimented by the EU Acoustic Recording Devices at Work Regulation 2003. And of course, the leading case of “Suffering Colleague v Pompous Boss at Desk 2007 All ER 284” affirmed that anybody using a Dictaphone in the presence of others is extremely annoying.

Wacky Keywords – May 2010 – Part 2

law actually keywords part 2 The second batch…

“how to be ethical lawyer” - Oh please, do me a favour! There’s no such thing.

“uk market llb” - in a word, saturated.

“thong bikini advice” – how about a wax job on  the ol’ chassis first?

“anyone heard from pupillage portal” - nope, if you’re hearing voices, it’s probably NOT the portal.

“law toilet seat” - You came to the right place: I took a module in toilet seat law as an undergrad!  ;-)

“gross personal habits men blowing nose on hands” - Had to be done before Mr
Kleenex had that brainwave of his.

“the best way to be a good studier without trying too hard” - mind bending drugs.

“how to cram for LLB exam” - oh deary.

“ladies using the gents urinals you tube” -  You pervert.  

“one day left to revise can i pass my exam law” - I think we both know the answer.  And is ‘passing; your only objective?  What happened to doing well.

“18 inch llm - wow” – All right – there’s no need to boast! ;-)

“primark was sewed for 7 yr old padded bikinis” - interesting means of retribution against the executive board.  Hope they used dissolvable stitches!  ;-)

“how to behave if a cow attacks you” - like a gentleman!  It works every time!  :-)

“why I am suitable for law” - I don't know.  Have you tried asking your mother?  :p

“yahoo pervs” - I know... thank God Google doesn’t suffer with the same problem.  Oh wait...

“applied to lots of law placements and cant get one. why?” The market’s saturated.  Or you’re possibly just crap.  Oh come on - don’t look at me like that!

“find seat belt blogs” - wow... what an anorak! 

“is there a law about blowing your nose” - I know the previous government got a bit trigger happy and were legislating here, there, everywhere.  But even they didn’t go quite that far.

“how to win a training contract” - I heard ROF is running a lucky dip next week (and have you tried looking on eBay?)

“office brunette driving moped” - are you turning to Google for help in stalking her?  ;-)

“how the law profession works as compared to television and movies” - much more boring and tedious; lawyers aren’t that good looking and have much less sex!  Next?

“is it okay to read only important cases in law student uk?”
Nope, you must read the unimportant ones, too.

"i'm singing with my laptop” - whatever keeps you amused, dear.

“northern ireland rta pedestrian case drunk side of car” - if only you hit him with the sober side of your car, eh?  :p

“any point in getting llm in corporate law” -If you’re Googling a question like that, I’d say you shouldn’t bother tbh.

“help me pass my LLB. exams" - you know things are dire when you're appealing and pleading to Google to help you pass your exams!!

Wacky Keywords – May 2010 – Part 1

Law Actually May search terms part 1It’s been a bumper month for wacky search terms so I’ve decided to split this into 2 parts.  I know, readers, I know: I spoil you so!

Anyway, let’s get straight to it:

"competent person" AND highway AND "New York" - You’ll be lucky!  Have you seen how those guys drive?

“llm learning torrent” - So let me get this straight: you want to download your postgrad degree in law from a bit torrent site?

“slipped on grape at work but my soliciator says I wont win claim. help” - Those damn ‘soliciators’, eh?  :p

“porn industry compensation claims” - wow... my mind is already racing as to what kind of injury might have been involved!  ;-)

“can a single mum do llb” - of course!  Be advised though that breastfeeding in seminars is generally frowned upon!

“toilet seats that are not meant to remove” - isn’t that usually the idea.  Actually, you’ve given me another invention idea there - portable toilet seats!

“do the astronaut wear seat belt to sit on the toilet?” - Oh, bless your heart for asking!  Yes, otherwise... well, I’ll let your mind fill in the blanks.

“personal injury on works outing uk” - I bet the boss of that firm wishes he’d never bothered now!

“Best way to use dictaphones for a law office” - hold near to mouth, press record and speak clearly.   Do you need a demonstration?  :p

“meaningful tattoos for women about loss” - doesn’t every tattoo necessarily signify a loss of the person’s dignity?  (particularly the tramp stamp!!)

“Despite laws that require you to wear seat belt , many people don't not wear them” - what’s this... state the obvious hour?  :p

“how do i make my business legal uk” - stop selling class A drugs.

“primark push up 8 year old” - what’s this?  Some kind of junior athletic challenge held in store?

“dictaphone spare parts” - most dictaphone users tend to be spare parts in my experience.  :p

“what's wrong with retail” - what’s right with it?  

“weird british birthday laws” - birthday bumps can only legally be given during a leap year.  s78(1)(c) of the Annual Acclamation, Commemoration and Celebrations Act 1924    ;-)

“stockroom nazi” - I think I worked with one in my summer job a few years ago.

“etiquette for law students” – Rule number 1: No farting in lectures. And ladies, a pre-emptive squirt of your bodyspray, and then coughing whilst rustling papers to cover the dastardly deed doesn’t completely mask it! Also, chaps, always hold the door for a lady!  Does not apply to ladettes, though.  In that situation, you’re safe to let it swing shut in her face! ;-)

“law can't revise topics more than once” – I can see why that might prove to be a problem!

“the dirt man take of the skirt in the street” - sounds like a coded message to me.  

“pillow throw law graduate” - all law grads love a pillow fight!

“employment law invading my personal space” - That module can get a bit much, can’t it?  Still, try not to become paranoid would be my advice.

“im doing an LLM Criminal Law” – Seriously?  Why would you punch that statement into Google?

“I burned up - literally” - Well, it has been hot recently.

“HOW TO REVISE FOR AN EMPLOYMENT LAW BUSINESS EXAM” - you can judge from the use of capitals that this visitor was bordering on a first degree panic attack.

“law student eligible for jury service?” A painful yes, I’m afraid.  See my monumental boob!  

“failure llb” – Oh come on: think positively!

“laws on doing up a moped” – One word: Don’t!!  You’ll look ridiculous, buzzing along with the noise of a backfiring 747 when you’re managing a whole 8 mph!  Seriously, every car driver in the vicinity is pi*sing their pants watching you tootle along.

Stick around for part 2 folks. There’s plenty more keyword gold I’ve kept back! :-)

Yet More Fun with Keywords

Keywords Update Despite my supposed ‘break’ from blawging for the exam season, I thought it was high time I provided another selection of keywords that certain visitors have used to surf their way over to Law Actually.  There are some real brarmers in there:  

people suing dum resons” – This visitor was from the states. Perhaps s/he should have looked closer to home for examples.

career prospects after llb” – I would say ‘varied’. Next?

microsoft songsmith any good” – No, no it’s not.

microsoft songsmith why is it so good” It’s not. I thought we just established that.

little's law assignment” Is that as opposed to ‘big’s law assignment’?

cloud computing law jurisprudence” – You what?!?

i lost my respect at wes' house of ribs” Yeah, we’ve all lost our self respect buddy. And the phrase is: “I lost my self respect at wes’ rib house”. Just so we’re clear.

legal space amount for people at a desk” Room for an average sized notepad, can of mountain dew and a stapler. Next?

wtf is calibri” It’s a font, dear. Just a font.

macbook air for law school” – Go and get one then, you show-off!

clean washing machine gunk left on ipod” – Oh, eewww!

is law school worth the cost” – Err, ask me another.

as a foreigner would you do the lpc or bvc” Oh you’re just winding me up now.

i am a law lecturer with lpc biography”  Are you now?!

hot lass law student” Oh really?

hoe many lpc students don't get a training contract” Hoe many? An awful lot.

noise at night who to call in uk” Ghostbusters? Just a guess.

law grads difficulty finding training contracts” – oh really! Has it taken this long for the penny to drop?

lawactualy” – oh, do me a favour!

you tube training contract” – Ok, this can’t be good on a number of levels.

i want a dictaphone to record my univeristy lectures” Do you? That’s nice!

i can't afford my bvc” – Put your begging bowl away please.

why my writing is sloppy”  Because you don't make enough effort?

tape has snapped dictaphone tape help” Yikes.

domain names funnies” www.heehee-haahaa.com?

It’s good to see the dudes at Pinsent Masons using a wide variety of research materials in this day and age. So whichever PM employee spent 10 minutes reading my Google Maps Streetview Silliness post, I hope you liked it. Leave a comment next time, eh? ;-)

Fun with the search terms

law actually - fun with the search termsI don’t know if it’s just Law Actually, but my visitors seem to have gotten an awful lot dirtier recently. Some of the search terms they’ve punched into Google would make a whore blush, never mind their mothers. 

Other terms they’ve used are frankly just disturbing.  I don’t want to repeat any of them here, not only because I don’t want to lower the tone any more than I usually do (I know - amazing isn’t it?) but also because doing so will only push me further up the rankings for those dirty phrases, exacerbating the problem.

Anyway, here’s the latest batch of wacky search terms: 


“baywatch shauni monobrow” - Oh come on - it was the 80s.  Hairy was in, right?

“setting up a new personal injury firm” - oh God, not another one.

“Behind on prostitutes” - someone who searched for this and visited law actually 7 times in rapid succession.  Just how behind was he?  ;-)

“knocked over listening to iPod bruise can i claim” - nope, you brought it on yourself!  :p

“LOVE BITES AND THE LAW” – Good book title there.

“i have been given the statutes for the law exam don't know how to revise” - I’d have said it was a bit late for you if you’re approaching the exams with that kind of question.

“accent at work that wasn't your fault” - I know, it was your damn parents, huh?

“dinner lady injured compensation” – Oh, don’t tell me: you got a Petits Filous  in the eye - courtesy of an over-excited child?

“HOW CAN I GET CHEAPEST LLB DEGREE IN UK” - Oh honestly... we’ll be getting LLB comparison sites next!  :p  (p.s. I really love the caps - you can sense the desperation there).

“best surefire ways to get approved for disability for a back injury at work” - I smell a benefits cheat.

“unfair dismissal vomited over IT equipment” - urrgh, eeewwww!

“good uk law blog” - A Chinese visitor (well, they searched via the Chinese version of Google) from the University of Warwick.  All I can say is that yay, you found law actually... but boo, you stayed for 0 seconds.

“you can't relax in the law” – Very true; my day is a veritable minefield of panic attacks.

“What is the labber law about labber law?”  ???

“I need to revise lots of law for exams” – Yep. But what do you expect Google to do about it?

“what do lawyers write with? pen?” - Well, yes, funnily enough, often times they do.

“pupelage portal” - The ISP was identified as “Oxford University”.  Oh dear... I knew standards were falling, but even so...   ;-)

“idiots guide to pupillagae portal applications” - hehe - I love it. I bet you didn’t expect to find this!

“hate my courses llm” – Just quit then. The label of ‘law school drop-out’ isn’t so bad!

“don't let your husband see you naked” - oh, come on ladies: what kind of attitude is that?  ;-)

“graduation anticlimax” - To the visitor from the University of Sheffield, chin up.  You’ll get over it.  (Given time).

“android sex doll 2011” - wow.  hehe, I wonder if the visitor had ‘rooted’ it? 

December’s Wacky Search Terms

december's wacky keywords There have been rich pickings for weird and wonderful search terms over the last month.  Here are some of my favourites.

“formula on how to benchmark high attrition of lawyers” - I think it's called the credit crunch... don't ask me for the formula though.

“just minxy models” - Just?

“perv chat” - oh you dirty web-surfer, you.

“fu*k you” – Charming.  Just charming.  Why would somebody search for this?  I guess that's the typical Bing.com user for you!  :p

"santa claus sample" - oh boy... a sample of what, exactly?

“what to revise for property equity and trusts exam” – try your syllabus for starters.  But aren't property law and equity and trusts usually split?!  

“shenanigans law” - ....I smell a sitcom brewing!!

“send-a-smile office 2010 turn off” - it certainly turned me off from the beta until I disabled it.

“facebook sex” - I get about half of dozen of this searches on Law Actually most days.  Shocking, isn't it?

“grandpas porn” - oh.... dear!!  You'll find nothing to get 'Gramps' off at Law Actually, I'm afraid.  Or is this Gramps in the starring role - which is even more disturbing? 

“are people who own fountain pens lawyers?” - Well, probably not ALL of them...

“advocate cocktails” - ill-advised.

“getting a job in new york as llm”  Ok… I'm going to explain to you everything that's wrong with that question... this might take a while....

“how to make use of a calligraphic biro” - a calligraphic biro... errrrrm.....  I refer you to my previous response.

"jeans bared her buttocks" - I hope the surfer from New South Wales who searched for this found what they were looking for...

"uk laws against santa" - seriously, what is this?

“in a lecture would you need to sit at the front with a Dictaphone” - Oh, no - most dictaphone users go out of their way to cause maximum annoyance/frustration to others present in room.  They usually insist on sitting at the back but squeeze by and scramble over everybody else to go and place their wretched dictaphone at the front, switch it on and off during breaks and, of course, collect it at the end.

"underwear problems in office" -I should imagine there were lots of 'underwear problems' across offices all over the UK this month - what with it being Christmas party season and all!  ;-)

“death cow attack” - Is this some kind of Star Wars spoof?

"nigella lawson gloopily and glossily" Oh yeah?!?! :p   ;-)

"santa claus laws" - Strange as this might seem, there are no laws that I know of (in England and Wales at least) that specifically pertain to Santa Claus.  That's not to say that no laws at all apply to him - see my previous post.

“lawyer on christmas tree” - I guess it makes a change from an angel, though it would certainly bring tears to his or her eyes.

“hitting dead ends with the dissertation” – An inevitable stage of the process.

“free nasty texting” – Please, show some restraint!

“colorado's vail ski accident l dangling upside legal sues down and pantless a ski lift. vail's blue sky basin” - It started off well, didn't it and then....?  Typing random words into Google isn’t usually the best way to quickly find what you’re looking for.  And just out of interest, what WERE you trying to look for?!

“i am here as the personal lawyer of the deceased to ensure that we have a successfully claim” - I think you can all make your own minds up about this one.

“dissertation work for bed students” – bed students?  Is this a lazy form of distance learning?

“old boys clubs, uk, law” - It's invitation only, I'm afraid.

“paralegaling in hospitals” - Is that essentially junior ambulance chasing?

“sexey x-mis photos” - I'm not sure if that's a poor attempt at a play on words or just dodgy spelling.

“the legal law of the usage of a Dictaphone”
- the legal law - I love it.  :D

...and to top it off, here's a classic I found yesterday - a visitor from New Jersey with an apparent problem has turned to Google for help:

"sperm when texting a girl" - what do you even say to that?  :-|

Wacky Search Terms – April Edition

wacky keywords april 2010Here’s the latest round up of weird and wacky search terms that people have punched into Google and stumbled across Law Actually.  As ever, we’ve got some real corkers in there!

“what can i do with a Blur completed with LLB” - do with a what?!?

“santa's sleigh risk assessment” – are Kwik Fit offering this now?

“i hate pupillage portal” – doesn’t everyone?

“secrets of pupillage” - I can feel another book idea coming on!  ;-)

“UK law final exams torrent” – you want to download, WHAT?

gmail inapprpriate pictures showing up in my attached pictures - oh yeah... that's what they all say!  :p

“Can you revise for llb law in one week” – what do you think?

“what can be legally sold in the street literally” – as opposed to... figuratively? :-$

“what is the name of the ink pen that lawyers use” – oh, please! :p

“What is the cut off age for a career at the law bar in uk” – There’s not!. Remember, old lawyers never die; they just lose their appeal.  wah-wah-waaaaah!  ;-)

“why is it a law to wear seatbelts?” - are you kidding me?

“law degree in itunes uk” - beats looking for it as a torrent I guess.

“how to revise quickly for law” - left it a bit late, have we?  :p

“dentist dropped tooth and root down throat” - wow... I'd stay the hell away from that dentist.

“can't get pupillage” - diddums... I'm sure you're not the only one.

“law student get laid” - is that an offer or an insult?  :p

“typical LLB hourly charge” – that’s a new one... are students charging to be taught now? Why didn’t I think of this?!?!? ;-)

“best thing to do the day before an LLB exam” – panic!

“how likely is pupillage through pupillage portal” – do you really need to ask?

“how many hours a day should i revise for my law llb exams”– lots I would say, if you’re turning to google for help with this.

“one week till my llb exam and i haven't started revising!” - Uni Looni... is this you?  Don't say you've screwed the pooch for the second year running!!!

“is hell really real” - LOL

“what is the symbol for lawyer” - *skull & crossbones*... just kidding ;-)

“why im suitable for LLM in criminal law” - If you’re having to Google the answer to this, you’re probably not suitable at all! 

“holiday arrangements honoured when undertaking pupillage” - wow... most people would give their right arm for pupillage (as well as selling their grannies and whatever other family members they deem necessary).  And you're bitching about whether chambers will honour your holiday arrangement?!

“what are law students like uk”– I would say they’re a varied bunch on the whole... :-$

“when am i getting sweres staten” – when are you getting WHAT?  :-$

“personal injury how much can i get for been knocked off a moped” - nothing.  Anything moped riders get, they had coming to them. Don’t look at me like that! :-)

“their was a shoplifter in HMV plymouth uk on Saturday” - really?  How about that.

“librarian moped” - don't tell me, it's got a near-silent engine and super-quiet tyres :p

“solicitors' hell” - clients that don't pay on time!

“how much time to revise for LLB exams” - how about, 'as long as it takes?'  :p

“Diary of a Sex Addict” – hehe... and you swung by Law Actually ;-)

“stinky tube” - dirty.

“can law lecturer fight in courtroom” - yes, they are granted a special dispensation.  ;-)

“can i just revise from revision guides llb law” - well, you can... but ...

“failure to wear seat belt and bidly injury” - oooh, sounds nasty.  No one wants to injure their bidly after all!

“day in the life of an older law student” – well, let’s see here now: I have a nap around 11 in the morning and again around 3 in the afternoon. I always wake up for countdown and deal or no deal though and I take a break from studying in the evenings by going to bingo! :p

“homemade flamethrower injury” – talk about bringing it on yourself! :-0

“is calibri a suitable font for a dissertation” - it worked for me

“girl walks into sewer”  I think I've heard this one.  Still, it makes a change from, 'a man walks into a bar'.

Yes, they’re back: Wacky Search Terms

It’s been a while since I’ve done a wacky search terms post, in which I document the various weird and wonderful phrases people have Googled and gone on to stumble across Law Actually.

I thought it was high time they made a reappearance; think of it as an early Christmas special.

 

“is it a leggal for kid over 13 to trick a treat” Well, deciphering your question, I would say, yes, but only with his mummy's permission!  ;-)

“flying cow storm” - wow... is that like something out of the bible?

“how do lawyers use dictaphone” – well, funnily enough, they speak into them.

“disposable fountain pen and how useless they are” – you get what you pay for!  :p

“post man sues grit” - I hope grit’s got a good lawyer!

“poking yourself in the eye with a biscuit and missing your mouth” - what kind of person a) does this and b) googles it?!  And doesn’t the second bit necessarily follow – unless, of course, this person routinely eats through their eye.

“what ever happened to the girl that fell down the sewer?” – she got very wet and very stinky.

“how do they catch pervs” - with a perv-net of course.

“what is the law in britain about boys using ladies toilets” Check out section 3 (1) of the Public Toilets Act 1982 - (otherwise known as the ‘caught short’ provisions).

“will my lpc provider tell me they have reported me to the sra” - oh God, just turn yourself in now.

“Student mneumonics for contract Law” - student what?  :p

“google solicitors from hell then go to heaven law for less” Hmm.

“how to break into the paralegal law profession in England” - brute force, best ram it in a transit van.

“what can LLB lead to” - lots of debt.

“speeding but i can't afford solicitor” – diddums – you should have thought of that before.

“pornography and injuries” - to the reader from Germany who searched for this, I hope it was nothing serious and everything’s back in full working order!  ;-)

“are law students really mean” - I'm saying nothing.

“lawyer block” - a free add-on for Firefox and Chrome?

“santa claus - criminal record checks uk” - If you discovered he's on the sex offenders register, I don't think you'd ever regard Christmas in the same way again.

“injured big swell and struck bond fingers at work claim” - you've done what exactly?  I hope you called your doctor and lawyer, not necessarily in that order.

Wacky Search Terms March 2010

law actually search terms march “risotto accident” – I’m guessing this either resulted in a personal injury claim or an urgent trip to the bathroom! Or possibly both! ;-)

“open university llb crap” – I’m sure it’s not that bad!

“chocolate lawyers” – I could have made a choc-actually version for Easter – along the same theme as a hollow bunny.

“law only law nice websites” - Oh please, don't tell me law actually is a 'nice' website.

“hot pubis” - oh dear.  An overheating pelvis can never be a good thing!  :-$

“what is the preferred font for a legal letter?” - that is actually a good question - any ideas?

“stray sperm in law” – Not quite sure how to interpret that!

“real life experiences in hell” – LOL, and came back to tell the tale, eh?

“cheapest llb uk” - Remember - you get what you pay for!  :p

“law cases involving sentimental loss of plant uk” – oh bless. You’ll be lucky.

“what do you do if you poke yourself in the eye and see blck dots” – well, for starters, I’d guess you’d say, “ouch, that hurt”. :-$

“woman awarded damages attacted by cow” – I should think so too, given that she was so wrongfully ‘attacted’!

“who did charlotte dymond cheat with” - fancy trying to suggest that Charlotte was a bit of a hussy.  

“pubic hair pimples” - wow... sounds painful!  :p

“LPC Student blog” - thanks, curious visitor on the network at Mogers Solicitors in Bath.  Leave a comment next time, eh?  :p

“what is the law on puke at work” - try not to, would be some good advice.

“what does experience with dictaphone mean” – I hope it’s not a pre-requisite for a job offer!

“what chat site do cops go on” – www.copsreunited dot com

“uk privacy laws bedroom window” - I smell a pervert.

“why should me wear seatbelt” – as through windscreen you might go! :p

“what makes a good stockroom assistant” – long arms, a willing attitude and plenty of deodorant I’d guess.

Keyword Quirks

Keywords Search Terms I’m always keeping a close eye on the ‘stats’ for Law Actually and I’m often reminded of the wacky things that people punch into Google.  Those who ask search engines ‘questions’ usually rank as the funniest search terms of all.  Sometimes, far better than hitting the search button, users would benefit from taking a step back and really THINKING about what it is they’re searching for.  The last couple of days have been particularly fruitful on the wacky keyword front so thought I’d share a few with you, faithful readers:



- “are all cameras actually speed cameras” ….Probably not!  For instance, I’ve got an old Polaroid somewhere that I’m pretty sure isn’t one.

- “blog my struggle to get a training contract” Oh come on!  Chin up and all that.

- “is l.p.c a qualification in its own right” Just stop it! I don’t want this can of worms opened again. 

- “company law topics for dessertation”  Oh boy.  Your ‘dessertation’, eh?  Hmm… good luck with that one.

- “is the iphone good for law students” I don’t know.  Is it?  Either way, surely you’ve got something better to spend you money on.

And my absolute favourite:

- “what did charlotte dymond say as she died” I don’t know…  Ouch?

**—UPDATE—**
After ‘going to press’ I came across another couple of keyword brarmers.  I’m still trying to figure out why there are so many rich pickings at the moment.

- “sex in looe” I’m no huge fan of Looe, granted, but this search just seems to defile an innocent Cornish town.  Shame on you, you ‘smutty Googler’.  Or maybe they meant 'sex in lieu’.  The question then, of course, becomes, ‘in lieu of what?’ 

- “dissitation and breach of confidence and human rights article 8 and 10” OK, at the risk of stating the obvious, the fact you’re struggling with spelling ‘dissertation’ doesn’t bode too well for the prospects of you turning in a killer paper!  Far be it for me to ‘diss’ you though.  Or is that ‘dissit’?

- “the law on cameras in the toilet” Oh honestly!

November’s Wacky Search Terms

november's wacky search terms

While my lack of internet connectivity has hampered my blogging activities somewhat over the past month or so, I’ve still been keeping up with the bizarre searches through which people find Law Actually. As ever, we’ve got some real brarmers in there!

“where as a barrister can you get tattooed and pierced” – shoulders and back for men; inner forearms and the trusty ‘tramp-stamp’ zone for women. As for piercings, well - bellybuttons all the way.  :-/

didn't like looe – I’m not particularly enamoured with it myself.

“london hotel travel fun post a comment -crap –sh*t -murder -killed- I’ve stayed in a dodgy London hotel before but nothing quite like this!

“letch – I’m on the front page on Google for this. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

“firework accident compensation claim – well, I did warn you all.

“fireworks uk law time – How about ‘never’ as a piece of possible legal reform?

“uk law student moved to be a US attorney” – Wow. I’m not sure if that qualifies as an upgrade or downgrade.

“how to turn wifi piggybackers upside down – Grab them by their ankles!

“economic burden, kid car accidents – I guess we all have regrets!

“workers compensation porn benefits cancelled”  That’s quite a perk.

“average law student blog - as the sphere's own Pooni might say, I'm not your average student, thank you.

“strawberries law
– I mean, seriously: what kind of answer were you looking for?

“dentist works on one patient – well, that’s better than two at a time, surely?

cow kicked out injury claim” – As opposed to the judge dismissing it, I suppose?

accidents down the sewers” – I should imagine there are a fair few ‘accidents’ lurking about down there.

“i dot car accident and now i am claim for injury” – good for you, I say.

“employment law pillow talk uk - whatever does it for you, darling.

“fountain pen law actually – Perhaps I should start doing my own branded pens?

“pupilages porno” – Sweet Jesus... I can sense another film idea coming on!

“Someone getting sat on by a cow” – As long as it’s not me, I don’t mind.

“police found 60 indecent images on my pc where could they have come from?” – Hmm... that’s what they all say!

Law Actually Search Terms

wacky search terms jan and feb 2010 copy"burst llm 2008" - seriously, how can you burst an LLM?

"llb law cheats" - Nothing like obtaining your degree on merit, is there?

"flying busicuit and lawsuits" - Oh please.

"what can i do with a lousy law degree" - hehe... don't be so defeatist.

"advice on setting up personal injury firm" - How about don't?

"snuggie injury" - Well I guess you could trip on it, set fire to it, start choking on it... but you'd have to more or less try you hardest to do one of the above.

"highways agency problems" - too numerous to document I suspect.

"personal injury lawyers bite my butt" - wow.  Just hope they didn't bill you for it.

"how many ipods in washing machines" - Well just 1, personally.  I kind of learnt my lesson after that and I suspect that most other people do the same.

“are people who own fountain pens lawyers” - yeah, everybody else just rents them!  :-|

"(abercrombie or a&f) and (jeans or shirt or jacket or sweaters or polo or pant or skirt or shorts or camis or dress or tee or t-shirt)" - Ho-ly cow!  Surely there's a more efficient way of searching?!?

"abercrombie and fitch topless assistants london door" Sounds like I should head up to A&F pretty sharpish! ;-)

"law students are annoying" - you're telling me!!

"funny legal jargin phrases" - Can't beat a bit of ‘jargin’.

“how much of the windscreen do i have to clear” - More than this.

“santa claus legality” – Oh I give up!

“has studying law changed your perceptions about the law” - No, I was always a cynic from birth.  I’ve got a perpetual glass half empty approach to law.

“x-ray vision laws” – There’s probably a couple of articles floating about in the Cretins and Halfwits Law Review (C.H.L.R).

“how to cheat for exams with statute book” – work it out for yourself.

“laws regulating strawberries” – I’m speechless.

”talk to law students on conveyancing practice” – An alternative to counting sheep I suppose.

“law dessrtations for undergraduates” - oh boy. we've got a right one here.

“how to get semen out of pillow” – oh Lord.

"hur fÃ¥r jag sarkmark i min pc" - Man kan klicka här .  Oh it brings my Swedish flooding back!  :D

September’s Wacky Search Terms

Septembers wacky search terms “How to pass first year contract law exam” – err, try revising perhaps?

“cow saves a life” – the really scary part is this person searched for the same thing twice and arrived at the same page on my blog staying for a couple of minutes each time.

“Lawyer with tats” – ooh tasteful.

“how to claim against pedestrian” – Allege they came at you with a baseball bat and that’s how you got ‘those’ bruises. Next?

“statute book funnies” – I can’t possibly imagine what could qualify as a statute book ‘funny’.

“when is getting an llm degree worth the cost” – when you’re stuck in a rut, not quite sure what to do and have a few grand to spare. Next?

“wallapers of sign of law and llb” – I’ve no idea what sort of thing this person was looking to find.

“how to start praying” – Kneel down, hands together, bow head.... there, you’ve pretty much got it. You’re a natural! ;-)

“fainted dental work experience” – Probably nature’s way of telling you that a career in dentistry isn’t for you.

“i have never used an ink pen before and have to use one for school in year 6” – oh, bless you.

“how much compensation for dentist dropping down throat” What, the whole dentist?

“quirky lawstudent” – I think we’re all quirky in our own special way.

“are widescreen displays better for law students?” Yes. Unequivocally.

“usb space too law to action” – No, I don’t know what this person was searching for either.

“in what circumstances did leslie ash contract mrsa” – Contaminated ones.

“what happened to schumaker's belly” – If that’s “Schumacher”, it succumbed to the G-forces through turn 9 at Fiorano.

“what looks good on a law student cv” – relevant work experience, great grades, enriching extracurricular activities. You know – the usual.

“abercrombie manager came up on me” – Firstly, “that’s what she said!” - Sorry – been watching too much of ‘The Office – an American workplace’! :D Secondly, ....

“what is the protection of drivers against drunk pedestrians?” – Err, the bumper and windshield.