Pupillage Portal Survival Kit

As the Pupillage Portal application deadline fast approaches and applicants across the land are succumbing to 1st degree panic attacks and worse, the Pupillage Portal Survival Kit may be just what you need to, well, survive this mad dash to the finish.

It contains:

Copy of the pupillage portal for cretins – yeah, I’m still beating that dead horse.

A bumper pack of caffeine tablets

3 bars of choc actually – yes, we’re still trying to shift the stock which didn’t sell.  (It’s not been a hit, sadly).

12 sachets of super-high-caffeine instant coffee - it's actually common garden soil but what the heck.  If you're battling with the Pupillage Portal, you're a glutton for punishment already.

Novelty USB key for backing-up your saved applications, appropriately in the shape of a wigged barrister... anything for that extra motivation, you know!  :-)

2 special fold-out 1 handed computer keyboards – so you can complete two apps at once when you're really cutting that deadline fine.

Double pack of condoms - well, you never know!

2 waterproof matches - used to prop your eyes open when filling in the umpteenth application.

Newspaper headline letters already cut out - so you can craft those hate letters in advance to chambers which reject you or the  designers / code monkeys of the pupillage portal.

A trashy novel - if things get really bad or you want to slap yourself around the face with it!

2 OLPAS emergency flares (actually sticks of dynamite to be lit and held for an indeterminate period).

Any takers?